Anxiety… that funny seven letter word that has been thrown about for the last two years and shunned by many as a negative personality trait and label to be worn as someone who is high stress and tied tight.
But I laugh at that label; crumple it up and throw it in the trash.
By definition anxiety “is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.”
Such as that time I was in downtown Toronto for the huge Toronto Raptors NBA Championship parade along with 1 million other people… or more. We lined the streets for hours, as due to the volume of spectators that showed up the parade could not get through. We waited and we waited. It was hot, marijuana was legalized in Ontario and people were puffing away like it was a rock concert and did I mention that I was also with my seven-year-old daughter and parents in their seventies?
It was fun… until it wasn’t.
It was a long day but we stuck it out hidden in a friend’s office tower until the parade finally came by. I jumped on the bandwagon, not being a huge fan, but knowing that this was a pretty cool thing to be a part of and I screamed and cheered like the rest of them… but after six hours I was grumpy, hungry and done.
We headed into a pub to get something to eat with other family and friends and just as we finished devouring the chicken wings an alert came up on the big screen in the bar announcing that everyone should remain calm and that a state of emergency had been issued.
WTF? Was my first thought… and ‘Get me out of here’, was my second.
My phone began blowing up with texts form my husband and friends asking if we were okay because apparently at the end of the parade during the trophy presentation there was a shooting… in hindsight, a small shooting, but a shooting nonetheless and from the tiny, packed pub we were in surrounded by a sea of Raptors fans all I wanted to do was get the heck home.
I anxiously rushed around the bar trying to find someone with a charger as my phone battery was on its last legs from taking photos and letting my daughter watch YouTube to keep her happy for the six hours we waited. I then rounded up my parents and daughter and literally marched 20 blocks to the Go Station as not knowing what was going on there was no way that I was taking the subway.
Did I react well? … that’s a matter of opinion, but would I do it again that exact same way… you bet I would… cause that’s who I am. I worry, I overthink, I feel the need to take on the role of mama bear and protect everyone and… I act on impulse.
Needless to say my reactions caused a rift in my family as I was told I should have been more chill about it… but if you can be chill in those circumstances then I applaud you and admire you.
We all fight or flight in different ways.
If anyone can raise their hand and say that they have suffered absolutely no form of anxiety over these two years… then I applaud you… but I also ask, are you lying?
These last two years have been heavy. Heavy with the weight of the pandemic and worry for our loved one’s health and well-being. Heavy with the news of the world from wars, to protests, to conspiracies. Heavy from the constant chatter and noise of social media and everyone with a device having a voice to spew off their opinions, feelings and beliefs with no consequence aside from the added anxiety they are instilling in others.
Again, by definition anxiety is a feeling of unease about something that is uncertain and saying these last two years have been ‘uncertain’ would be an understatement.
We’ve all been affected by some sort of worry these last two years so although the word anxiety used to be a taboo subject and people who admitted to it were placed in a mental health box and told they should relax, and calm down and not worry so much… I now believe that without a doubt, anxiety is something that every single human being encounters at some point in their lives….perhaps even on the daily.
If you’re a parent then you suffer anxiety because there is so much to worry about. Are they eating enough, do they fit in at school, are they driving with their friends at midnight, are they being bullied, are they growing, are you doing enough…
It’s constant… the worry we feel as parents, and now throw a global pandemic into the mix…
I say pop a cork and celebrate that we are making it out of this thing.
Anxiety should be a sign that you are a great parent…. Cause you care… because if you don’t worry or stress, then are you human?
There is a great quote that says something along the lines… “If you are worried about being a great mom, then it means you already are one.”
I breathe that in.
For me, worry means care and yes perhaps I could take more yoga (although I have a hard time turning my mind off and not laughing as people pass gas in the class), but I have really tried to take a breath these last two years before responding.
I get revved up and then I calm down, I’m a work in progress, but as long as the world keeps operating as it is, I don’t feel guilty for feeling anxious… it means I feel things and that I care.
I’d like to chill out and not give a crap, but I can’t… and I won’t.
For this week’s ‘Joy Journey’, I’m gonna take this lesson from one of my daughter’s teachers and I urge you all to do the same… rip little pieces of paper and write out the things on them that you worry about… the health of your family… the war in the Ukraine… heading back into the world mask free… whatever those worries are, big or small, write them down… then crumple that paper up and throw them around the room. My daughter’s teacher makes the whole class do this… they throw those papers around the classroom like snowballs… so throw away… use force, stomp on them, whatever makes you feel better… then recite to yourself… “Control what you can control and throw away what you can’t”.
We can’t remove stress and worry from our lives… it makes us human, but we sure as heck can acknowledge it and learn from it. We’ve got this!
@half_full_most_days