It’s funny how we always hear things like, “you are who you surround yourself with” and “choose your friends wisely”.
It puts extreme pressure on us as to whom we choose to spend our time with as ultimately it says a lot about us.
Sometimes we like people for their sense of humour, their kind heart or the way they make us feel when we are with them.
Sometimes we have no feelings other than they have been in our lives for a long time so we stick with them, even if they don’t add anything richer to our lives.
Through these last two years many relationships have been put to the test and many friendships have also stood in the line of fire. The world has been a lot and the people we surround ourselves with have been a consequence to which side of the fence we stand on. Sure opposites attract and we can all share our own points of view without judgment, but when all the cards fall on the table, we have also now opened our eyes to which friendships are worth sticking around for, and which ones are worth moving on from.
If we really are who we surround ourselves with then these last two years have said a lot because as barriers were put up and our inner circles were tight, we had to choose wisely who was in our bubble.
I remember being in high school and my brother and I threw a party while our parents were out. My grandfather ended up popping by to check on us and the party cleared immediately. I was embarrassed and yet relieved as I was always a rule follower and the party had got a bit out of hand.
After everyone left my grandfather sat us down and gave us a lecture.
“Who were all those people?”, he questioned.
“Our friends”, we responded.
“No, there is no way that many people are your friends.” I remember feeling angry as of course they were our friends cause why would they be at our house if they weren’t, but my grandfather must have sensed the unease in my eyes as he then gently said… “when you reach my age, if you can count five friends on one hand, five really good friends who are there for anything, you are the luckiest person alive.”
I remember laughing inside, thinking five friends, that’s like having no friends it’s so few, but as the years tick by I find that life lesson resonating more and more.
Finding good people is hard.
Finding people who make you laugh, listen to you, are always there for you, support you, encourage you, motivate you, share your values and grow with you is hard.
It’s a tall list and not everyone has to check all of the boxes.
There is that old saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and the older I get I realize how true this is.
Some people come into our lives for a reason, perhaps to teach us something new, to help us out of a hard time, to open our eyes to a new possibility or so many other reasons.
Perhaps, however, they also come into our lives for a season; just a short time that passes quickly such as the friends we make through a course we are taking or friends we make through our children’s activities. They pass in and out and we enjoy our time together but it is fleeting.
The forever friends though are hard to find and even harder to keep cause we all grow and evolve and it’s really hard to take our friendships with that.
My husband and I are lucky to have a handful of forever friends. Friends who have been there since almost the beginning of our lives, through the good times and bad and who stick with us no matter what.
But not all friends need to be that. We can have reason and season friends too.
During this last little while I had to say good bye to someone whom I thought was going to be a lifelong friend. Someone who I shared so much with, laughed with, vented with and enjoyed my time with, but our values didn’t line up.
There are things that we can overlook and things that we can’t and in this case our values were so off that I chose to walk away.
Now dropping a friendship when things are hard, seems like a shitty thing to do… but if someone is draining your cup, it is okay to say good bye. I gently remind myself, reason, season or lifetime… and take power in knowing that who I spend my time with is ultimately my choice.
I realize that not everyone passing in and out of my life has to be a forever friend.
This person taught me a valuable lesson and made me realize where my values lie. I am still grieving the end of the friendship… but the lesson was learned.
Life is short …and as time passes by and we have families of our own we have less and less disposable time to spend with friends.
Quality over quantity or so the saying goes, right?
Friends will come and go, but the lessons and memories will stay forever.
This week on your ‘Joy Journey’, try to write out a list of 5 friends. Now if this doesn’t come easy don’t feel bad… it shouldn’t. I don’t just mean friends you can have a beer with or chat casually to at the playground… I mean solid friends who know everything about you and don’t run away… friends who you can call at 2 am crying and they will listen… friends who share your values and beliefs and support you. Five friends… take your time… and if you can’t think of five… don’t worry, you have your lifetime to build that list… a reason, a season or a lifetime…
Joy comes from within and who you surround yourself with ultimately enriches or diminishes that joy… choose wisely. I am.
We’ve got this!
@half_full_most_days