We needed this.
We needed this time to connect.
To remind ourselves of why we said ‘I do’ in the first place.
It wasn’t a week away on an island or a fancy dinner for two at the new ‘it’ restaurant, it was simply a few hours out on the town, in our Christmas sweaters, together, just us.
We had to wait in line for two hours just to get in, but the time passed quickly as our conversation flowed.
We people watched, laughed, shared stories and before we knew it the two hours had passed and we were inside this little Christmas bar toasting our favourite time of year.
The décor wasn’t as breathtaking as I imagined it to be and the drinks were over fifty dollars for two, so was it worth the hype? Not really. But was it worth our time? Absolutely.
So often our roles of husband and wife get forgotten by our roles of Mom and Dad.
Our relationship has been tested a lot. Starting with my husband’s cancer diagnosis, then our struggles in conceiving, the death of a brother, the loss of my livelihood and the constraints of a pandemic.
We were tested a lot and our marriage was feeling it.
We’ve made our children our focus and our priority and I although I don’t begrudge that for one second, we do lose ourselves as a couple and need to work on building that back up.
Like many parents, we are so busy running for our children; driving them here and there and everywhere that by the time we get home at the end of the day we are spent and want to crash. I head upstairs to read and he heads downstairs to watch sports, both outlets we need and time to unwind, but that means time together is rare.
Date nights are watching a movie on the couch where nine times out of ten I fall asleep because after our children have been put to bed, the kitchen tidied up and the dog walked, we are exhausted.
In the grind of parenthood we’ve lost the simple reason that made us connect in the first place.
Time.
We used to have a lot of it.
Time to talk on the phone for hours getting to know each other.
Time to go out dancing and for drinks.
Time to sleep in and cook breakfast together.
Time to hold hands and talk over a bottle of wine.
Plain and simple, time. We don’t have much of that anymore.
Little eyes are always watching and little ears are always listening.
When we do have a rare night ‘off’ one of us will head out with friends and the other one will stay home to watch the kids… and the dog.
Sure, we have family that can babysit for us, but we don’t use them enough.
We feel guilty leaving the girls to go out, so instead we do everything together as a family.
I often see on social media all of these moms and dads who date.
Who go out weekly, just the two of them, and I feel envious.
Envious for the time they’ve made to do that.
I feel we LACK the time but the honest truth is that we just don’t MAKE the time to do it.
There’s that four-letter word again.
Time.
Time that we can’t get back.
Time that passes so quickly.
Time that our kids want us and need us.
Time that one day will be gone as our children spread their wings and move on.
So right now, our time is invested in them.
But that means that our time together is sacrificed.
We’ve lost that spark and butterfly feeling that we used to get when we had time together because lately it feels like our time is divided and scheduled down to the minute.
We can’t simply snap our fingers and make more time, so what do we do?
Well for starters we have to make time when we can and not feel guilty about it.
Our kids are only little for so long, but one day soon, time together will be ALL we have.
Just the two of us again.
I need to remember that.
This time is temporary.
Marriage is hard work.
Parenthood is hard work.
Daily work.
I long for time for us to date again and rekindle that spark, but I also get emotional as I want time to stand still and my children to stay little.
This is a hard phase of marriage to be in.
It’s work. It’s constant.
We’re investing in our children and watching them grow, but we sacrifice a little bit of ourselves in doing so.
We lose time together.
I had two friends divorce when their children were little because their spouses told them they weren’t fun anymore.
But how can you be ‘fun’ when you are sleep deprived, busy and scheduled?
Finding a balance of the titles of wife and mom and friend and daughter are hard.
Those titles all hold responsibility and sometimes we feel worn thin.
So I thank my mom for forcing us to take this time as we needed to reconnect, not necessarily over expensive Christmas cocktails, but just to have time together.
No phase on this journey is easy.
Parenthood and marriage require work.
It’s uphill and downhill and thrilling and exhausting.
It’s work and pleasure and heartbreak and joy.
We can never make more time, but we can divide our time.
Mom.
Wife.
I’m working on it…One day at a time.
We’ve Got This!
@half_full_most_days