Since I was old enough to write words I have journaled. I would write out simple things like what I did at recess, who my friends were, my favourite colour; you know, simple childhood stuff… but I never missed a day… and I most often ended each entry with “I had a lot of fun”.
Not sure if I finished that way because the words were easy to spell, which was probably the case, or if I really just had fun every day and lived life to the fullest?! Life as a child is usually simple and easier to navigate, but then we grow up.
It gets messy and hard …and ‘fun’ is not a word that we would use to describe it.
As I got older of course my journal became a dumping ground and I would spill all of my secrets and heartaches and pretty much anything else that was on my mind. I also no longer ended the entries with “I had a lot of fun” because somewhere along the way life got harder and the fun was not always there.
But it should be and that’s why I’m digging deep.
Now I do feel that anyone who knows me well will say that I am usually smiling and wanting to have fun. It’s quite fitting that I work in events as I am usually the social convener for my friends as well; planning fun nights out, activities and dance parties. But just because I can find the ‘fun’ in things doesn’t mean that I am always happy. It means that I try to look on the bright side and make the most of life, even when it’s hard. It’s not always easy… but it’s possible.
I had my heart shattered in my mid-20s, and I mean the kind of shattered where I lost a tonne of weight and had to sleep with my mom again for months. It was hard. I’ve also lived through a lot of loss, with 6 pregnancies that ended after weeks or months of jubilation and celebration, where friends around me were expanding their families and I had to silently grieve the loss of another. I’ve lost jobs, loved ones and friends. But I think that if you all look closely at your own lives you will realize that there is a lot of hurt and emotion there too.
We carry a lot. It makes us who we are.
Heck I’ve worn bangs my whole life because a girl in grade four told me I had a big forehead and all these years later I still can’t let that go.
I’m learning that what happens to us, shapes us, but it is not necessarily the events themselves that change us but rather how we respond to them…. Hmmmm…. Got you thinking right?!
We all have stories to tell and hurts we hold.
We do not always smile every day and we have days we want to curl up in a ball or run away.
I’m here to tell you that I am living proof that you are not alone, but I am also here to share that happiness is a choice that we have to make EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. We choose how we get to show up and there is something very freeing in that.
“A great attitude becomes a great mood, which becomes a great day, which becomes a great year… which becomes a great life.” – Zig Ziglar
So when our time on earth is up and our days are numbered we will look back at the collective moments. Not the times we argued with our spouses, yelled at our kids or fought with a friend. We will look back at the life we lived every day and the memories we made along the way. That’s why I decided that I was going to make moments count.
I fall down. I get back up. I mess up. I move on.
Adele has it right in her new song ‘Go Easy On Me’ because we all need to give ourselves more grace. We all need to realize that no one is perfect and joy and happiness can co-exist with struggle and sadness.
All emotions make us human.
So how do we find joy? Well we start but actively working on that choice every damn day.
When I open my eyes each morning, I set that tone. I say a quiet ‘thank you’ for another chance to get to do this crazy thing called life for another day and then I put two feet on the floor and head into the chaos.
Life is a lot. It’s complicated, it’s hard and it can be exhausting… but it’s also SHORT… really short and could be gone in an instant.
Every phase sucks, until it doesn’t.
The teen years were hard, the 20s were hard, parenting is hard… but it’s all hard until it’s over and then just a memory… and sometimes a memory that we wish we could go back on.
Like, “oh what I wouldn’t give for one more high-school dance with friends” when you are stuck at home and longing for some fun, or …“oh what I wouldn’t give for a messy, noisy house’, when you are older and living alone.
We always want what we don’t have. So I have started challenging myself to appreciate the moments… I still yell, get frustrated and feel defeated at times, but I’m trying to just pause and remember how short life is and how fast it goes.
The best part of a life well lived is that we can all start over, again, and again and again… as many times as we need to.
If you lost a nickel you probably wouldn’t be upset with the loss of five cents, so why let five bad minutes of your day ruin the whole day, right?! Shake it off. Start again.
Spring is here… fresh start…. New beginning… new hope. We’ve got this!
@half_full_most_days