So what did I do this summer?
Well, since I gave up social media, I took a trip down memory lane to the good old days. I stopped caring about what everyone else was doing and I simply lived life, scroll free, more present, less anxious and less picture perfect.
If you read my Insta post where I’m taking a hug bite out of a piece of watermelon you would have known that as a challenge to myself, I gave up scrolling for the entire summer.
It was more to prove to myself that I could do it. Sure, I still had to log on at times to answer messages and get updates as sadly a great portion of our lives are lived online, but I made a conscious decision not to post, not to doom-scroll and to stay off my phone.
I admit, just like the last time I tried this experiment, the first few days were the worst.
I’d go to pick up my phone and start scrolling as it was honestly like an addiction.
I bet you say you aren’t addicted, but I dare you to go without your phone for a whole weekend… it’s not easy…now imagine a whole summer?
It’s an addictive habit and I wanted to prove to myself that I could break it.
As more and more research starts to pour in on how detrimental social media is to our youth I found that I had to try and practice what I was preaching.
My oldest daughter is in grade 8, 13 years old.
My husband and I made a decision, many years ago, that we would not allow her a phone or social media until at least grade 9. It hasn’t always been easy as she is the only girl in her entire grade without a phone and maybe what we are doing isn’t the answer, but it is our answer and is what works for us.
We had a very close family friend attempt suicide a few times at a very young age and online bullying was the culprit.
It hit too close to home so we are providing a childhood that some may say is old school, but we believe is healthy.
I don’t know many young people who can tell me why they love social media, who wish they had been given a phone earlier or who feel their mental health has flourished because of it.
In fact, it’s the opposite. I work with all young people, mostly between the ages of 19 and 35 and they have been my cheerleaders to help me stand strong when I’ve wanted to give in.
98% said that they would give up social media in a heartbeat if it wasn’t a lifeline to their friends.
Almost all of them would give it up if their friends did.
So this summer, I did just that… I broke the cycle.
My daughter is also old enough to see what it has done to her peers. Many of whom are just a shell of the bouncy, giggly, fun girls they used to be, immediately exiting school with their phone in their hands and heads down as they walk through the doors.
It boggles my mind that children in elementary school are already so influenced by the fake world of social media that they turn to it for everything.
I’m a mom too. I lived a childhood that wasn’t online or documented.
I don’t know how to parent in this new world of social media because I didn’t have it myself. My mom can’t offer advice because it was a different time. We are all learning as we go and maybe because we ourselves are new to it and addicted we believe that placing a phone, which may I add is like placing access to the entire world, in our children’s hands, is easy and okay.
At least we think it’s easy, until it gets really hard.
Do you know that by grade 5 most boys have been shown porn? That’s 10 years old and then we expect them to know what good relationships look like and how to treat a partner nicely. It’s sad and it’s not real life.
I have a hard time NOT believing what I see and I’m a grown up, so it breaks my heart that our youth don’t feel pretty enough or good enough at such a young age… that they are trying to measure their lives in likes.
It affects me because I see it every day.
So again, I wanted to prove to my daughter, and to myself, what a life off-line looked like.
How I could walk the beach make-up free with a messy bun, not needing to capture the perfect photo to post in my grid.
How I could enjoy making string bracelets with my girls or finishing a puzzle listening to music without feeling guilt that we weren’t out climbing the mountains of Whistler or roaming the streets of Italy.
Out of sight out of mind.
I wanted to see what it felt like not to know what everyone else was doing, wearing and consuming.
I wanted to do ME, for an entire summer and you know what… it was FREEING!
Blocking out the noise by simply listening to morning radio in my kitchen, having actual conversations and face to face visits with those I care most about and not feeling the need to post every single moment of every single day.
It was FREEDOM.
So often my friends and I reminisce about the ‘Good Old Days”, and truthfully I don’t think they were the good old days perse… I mean we still had two girls in my high school that were teenage moms, there were still bush parties with underage drinking where the cops came, we still had to crimp and tease our hair, wear Maybelline mascara and stuff our bras with Kleenex when that awkward ‘bump’ stage took effect…just to fit in. We had underage drinking and drugs around. We had kidnappings and wars and the world was messy then too, but we didn’t see it and hear about it every single moment of every single day.
We relied on newspapers, which kids didn’t read and the 11 o’clock news, that kids didn’t watch.
Perhaps we were sheltered and some may argue that we weren’t informed, but we were free and I can only speak for my circle but we all figured it out and learned our lessons and I believe, turned out fine.
I used to get dropped off on the street with friends and then walk into the forest for a bush party, with a tiny amount of peach schnapps that I had stolen from my parent’s bar and poured into a water bottle. Trekking along in the dark to meet up with everyone else from my high school, while we stood in a tree lined field to watch people make-out, dance naked around a campfire and laugh until the cops came and we all had to run.
We’ve all been there.
But our life wasn’t documented.
We learned as we went.
No one took photos.
The stories lived on but the images faded… because no one had a copy of them.
Kids these days have to worry who is going to take a photo of them every time they walk out of their door.
They can’t live because they are afraid to.
They have big mouths behind a screen and yet can’t even talk to the kid sitting next to them in class.
They are missing what we had and I say… shame on us.
We are the parents, the ones who buy the devices that give them access to the entire world.
We pay the bills.
We complain that they are moody, unmotivated and zombie-like, but we’re afraid to say anything because we fear they will pull away and not like us.
We don’t want them to be left out.
We want to know where they are.
We are too tired and addicted ourselves that we also don’t take time to look up and live so how can we expect them to?
Again I say, shame on us.
So I paused this summer.
My childhood wasn’t documented.
I wasn’t sad when Anna was playing with Stephanie rather than me, because I didn’t know about it.
What I didn’t see couldn’t hurt me.
I filled my time with learning real things and growing up.
We didn’t have filters.
We all had bad haircuts and pimples and didn’t feel bad about it because everyone we saw around us was living through that awkward stage too.
We didn’t live in a world of fake.
We took pictures only at special occasions because a roll of film only held 24 photos so we were choosey on what we snapped and we didn’t get 88 attempts to make our ‘kissy lips’ look just right. Most times the photo would come back with someone’s head cut off and our eyes closed, but those few photos are what our memories were built on.
We made a plan and stuck to it because once you left the house and access to your landline, you were locked in.
From the time you hung up that phone the plan was set.
We met real people at real places and did real things.
All we had was a plan and a quarter, to call in case of emergency… and we survived.
I miss those days.
More for my kids then for myself.
I know the world is different.
Different is inevitable.
But different doesn’t have to mean scrolling through a little screen to learn about and see the world around us… we can still live.
It felt good to look up.
To see and experience the world through my eyes and not a screen.
To be happy where I was and not saddened by where I wasn’t.
To all of those who know me, you know I’m a trained journalist so my passion and interest are in story- telling, asking questions, researching and getting answers.
I also love when I can share the raw and real and honest with all of you as the messages I get after these posts always fill my bucket, solidifying that we are never alone.
There is always someone a step ahead and a step behind.
That is comforting.
That is life.
My summer wasn’t measured in likes and views and trends.
It was what I made it.
And you know what… it was perfect.
So put your phone down… I dare you… we’ve got this!
@half_full_most_days