My mom once told me that we don’t truly measure time until we have children of our own.
This week I felt that deeply.
My daughter, the oldest, the one who made me a mom turned 13 and I felt like just yesterday I was cradling her in my arms, listening to her first words and watching her first steps.
It went by in a flash, like a blinding light, causing me to blink… and then it was gone.
As we sat in her bed the night after her birthday I was reading her all of the nice messages that people had written on my socials, sharing them with her and reflecting on all of the amazing people in our lives.
After I had finished reading the greetings she looked at me and said, “Mom, why are so many people wishing us luck or saying good luck with the teen years? Is it going to be that bad?”.
I smiled and felt my eyes well up, so I stood to flatten out the bed sheets and compose myself.
I didn’t know how to answer.
Up until now parenting had been easy. I mean sure, like most parents I’ve had my days, there have been tears and yelling and frustration, but more often than not, they have truly been the most fulfilling days of my life.
Boo-boos were fixed with band-aids.
Tears were fixed with ice cream.
And kitchen dance parties cured anything.
But now… this is a whole new ball game and I’ve never been much of a hitter.
This next era is going to require some serious learning for both of us.
You see, I grew up in the teen years where nothing was documented. We lived our lives doing dumb things, with teased hair and curly perms, in Beaver Canoe sweatsuits and Tretorn running shoes, maybe hanging out at the local coffee shop, someone’s basement or the occasional bush party.
It was innocent fun where my home phone would ring for two hours straight and I’d pull the cord as far as it could go into my bedroom to make plans with my friends and talk about everything under the sun.
Yes, back then, we actually talked to each other and made plans.
And then once those plans were made we couldn’t change them because we had to get dropped off at the said meeting place and were handed a quarter by our parents just in case we needed to make a call.
I think this next teenage era is terrifying for me for two reasons.
The first being that I have NEVER been a parent to a teenager before and second, I have absolutely no idea how to be a teenager now.
Everything is documented. Everything is calculated. No one talks. Everyone texts. Everyone is connected, but not friends. There is no room for errors and if you don’t look picture perfect or filtered, you’re failing.
So yes, that to me is terrifying.
Everything is just… well… different.
I can’t relate because she is living in an age that I know nothing about.
We rang doorbells, made phone calls and talked to parents.
We played board games, like the good old Ouija board predicting our futures or spinning a bottle to stand in a closet with our crush waiting for the time to pass and our blushed cheeks to return to their normal colour.
We bought Teen Bop magazines and swooned over the latest celebrity heart-throbs, ripping out the pictures and posting them all over our closet doors and walls. We went to all-ages dances at local clubs, leaving our coats in the car and standing in line outside, frozen to the bone in a foot of snow because it wasn’t cool to be seen with a coat or in your parent’s car so we’d get dropped off blocks away to avoid that embarrassment.
So when my daughter asks me, are these years really going to be that bad? I tear up and shrug because the truth is I don’t know.
‘Kids’ see so much nowadays.
They are exposed to much more than I ever was and they have the whole world at their fingertips and the weight of the world on their shoulders.
We didn’t know much because we didn’t have access. No teen read a newspaper or stayed up to watch the 11 o’clock news, so the world to us was a mystery and we lived in our bubble.
Today the world is displayed for them in a tiny, hand- held device that is always with them.
I don’t know how to navigate that.
I worry because I realize that so much of what’s to come is out of my control.
Up until now, so much of her life has been controlled.
What she eats.
Where she goes.
What she signs up for.
Who she has playdates with.
What she wears.
All of it.
Me.
My planning. My helping, my assistance and now this next teenage era is going to be hard because I will take a step back.
“The bad news is, time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.”
So I buckle in realizing that this new adventure is hers now, so much will change.
For both of us.
I vividly remember my 13th birthday and my mom telling me in a toast that if we can still be able to say we are friends when I turned 20 that her job as a mom was done and she would be so proud.
I never really understood that until I had kids of my own.
We give our children roots and wings. Roots to know where there came from and give them somewhere to plant themselves and come back to, and wings to soar… to see the world, spread their wings and fly…
And maybe I am emotional because as much as I want her to fly… I also want to clip those wings and keep her right here in my nest, where I can watch over her and protect her and hold her.
Just for a little longer…
So as I fluffed up those pillows and gained some courage to answer my daughter, her beautiful bright eyes looking at me for answers … I smiled and wrapped her in a big bear hug and told her that the next era will only be as bad as we make it.
I assured her that I would always be here; the good, the bad, the ugly tears, the happy dances.
Always. No questions.
Well yes, some questions, of course questions… but I feel we’ve made a pretty rocksolid foundation and it’s gonna take a heck of a lot to crumble it.
So although we are both entering brand new territory, where neither of us have ever been… I reassure myself that I was also never a mother until she came along.
I didn’t really know what I was doing then either.
I read the books, asked advice, leaned on family and friends, but we made it.
So this next era will be no different and I truly can’t wait to see all that my beautiful, fun-loving, smart, kind, compassionate daughter is going to do.
I will celebrate the highs and cradle her in the lows and although I’m not ready for it… I know that together… We’ve Got This!
@half_full_most_days
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